再次麻烦老师来给这篇高考英语作文打个分,Jim,I think What the picture reflects to us is that a man who was upset& with not having got a ideal size of fish.I think that it is a beyond the ability of aim that the man didn't get

再次麻烦老师来给这篇高考英语作文打个分,Jim,I think What the picture reflects to us is that a man who was upset& with not having got a ideal size of fish.I think that it is a beyond the ability of aim that the man didn't get
再次麻烦老师来给这篇高考英语作文打个分,

Jim,I think What the picture reflects to us is that a man who was upset& with not having got a ideal size of fish.
I think that it is a beyond the ability of aim that the man didn't get the success.
So,I suggest that we should make a reasonable aim to finish step by step than to make a aim which we are not be able to realize（共71词）
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再次麻烦老师来给这篇高考英语作文打个分,Jim,I think What the picture reflects to us is that a man who was upset& with not having got a ideal size of fish.I think that it is a beyond the ability of aim that the man didn't get
Jim,I think What(what不在句首,小写) the picture reflects to(reflect to 的反映了一定是要指有什么深层面意义的反映了,你可以用reflect表示譬如这幅画的寓意,但是这里不太合适,因为你只是首先描述图片直接看起来有什么,最好改成shows) us is that a man who was（is） upset& with（去掉& with,变成about) not having got a(后面元音,用an) ideal size of（去掉of） fish.
之所以用is而不是was是因为如果你在描述一件已经发生了的事情,那么用was非常对.但是你在描述一幅画,这个就变成了一个场景.描述这样场面的时候你可以用一般现在时也可以用过去时（虽然一般现在时更多点）,但是因为你主句中用reflects/shows已经表明了时态,习惯性的做法是前后保持时态统一.
用&这个符号的时候记得前后都空格.另外记得&除了机构名称之外是不能在书面语中代替and的.
如果用with out中间不用空格,有个词叫做without
之所以换成about,是因为upset about sth.是个固定用法,为什么什么事情而不开心.
not having got 是英式口语,可以用,但是比较正式的说法是not having gotten,要用过去分词
the size of sth是说什么什么的大小,这个短语的主角名词是size.但是你的句子是说他没钓到足够大的鱼,你的重点是鱼,所以说 an ideal size fish就可以啦.
I think that it is a beyond the ability of aim that the man didn't get the success.
这个句子要换一下顺序 I think that is a man who aims beyond his ability but didn't succeed.
嗯,还是这句话,初学的时候想用复杂句一定要小心再小心.来说说这句话怎么写.看你原句,你大概是想写“我觉得这是一个男人将目标定的高过他自己能力而且没成功”.首先看这句话中文主句是 “我(主）觉得（谓语）这是一个男人（宾语）”你主句前面写写对了,问题是后面的宾语没了,所以要先说a man.后面就是修饰这是怎么一个男人,这也是个独立的小句子,同样要主谓宾,who做主语,aims谓语,beyond his ability修饰谓语aims.另外因为是没成功,所以转折记得用but而不是and.
So,I suggest that we should make a reasonable aim(aim改成goal） to finish（finish有点奇怪,用achieve比较地道） step by step （rather than表示而不是) than to make(to make变成 making,rather than后面接动名词） a aim(goal） which we are not be able to realize（realize改成achieve）
realize不是实现,是明白醒悟
aim是不能这么用的,另外一定记得元音开头的单词前面加a的时候用an.

如果是我的话我会给10分.
来说一下给分依据.
首先这篇文章达到了
第二档
基本完成了试题规定的任务
内容逻辑基本符合要求
用词错误比较大但是不影响理解
基本达到了写作目的,你把意思传达了
但是语法错误过多,另外缺少交际用语,除了一开始的Jim之外光顾着自己说话了,完全没有和听众交流.并且符合第三档中的所用词汇有限,语法用词的错误影响了对写作内容的理解.

准确判分是9分.但是我是比较喜欢多给分的那种.汗.如果在我自己班里本着鼓励学生的目的会给10分.
=）另外抱歉时差缘故我刚刚才看到你的提问,有点晚别介意.希望这些分析对你有帮助!