请英语水平好的童鞋们,帮我点评一下这、我的这篇作文,我英语太差了,I’m very glad to know that you wanted to apply to my college.There are in all 16 professions in my college.Such as clinical medicine,nursing,medical scienc

请英语水平好的童鞋们,帮我点评一下这、我的这篇作文,我英语太差了,I’m very glad to know that you wanted to apply to my college.There are in all 16 professions in my college.Such as clinical medicine,nursing,medical scienc
请英语水平好的童鞋们,帮我点评一下这、我的这篇作文,我英语太差了,
I’m very glad to know that you wanted to apply to my college.There are in all 16 professions in my college.Such as clinical medicine,nursing,medical science…As you know that my college is a medical college.My major is a medical information .We know that clinical medicine was hot last year.May be you also want to choose it.
In my opinion,you are a patient girl,so you can choise nursing.Acooording to the employment status of nursing,the job opportunities of nursing are enough.what’s more,the undergraduate are more easy to find a job.If you consider selecting nursing,you have better choose nursing as you first selection.Because too much students will apply to my college.Of caurse your college enterance score must up to the entry score of the college.You will have a examination soon .I hope you can relax youself and don’t let you under great strain .Mind-set is very important which would influence your exam.
最好能帮我修改一下

请英语水平好的童鞋们,帮我点评一下这、我的这篇作文,我英语太差了,I’m very glad to know that you wanted to apply to my college.There are in all 16 professions in my college.Such as clinical medicine,nursing,medical scienc
wanted--want
in all最好放在professions后面
May be--Maybe
you are a patient girl,so you can choise nursing改为if you are a patient girl,you can choose nursing比较好.意思是“如果你是个耐心的女孩,你可以选择护士这个专业”
If you consider selecting nursing,you have better ,应该是you will have
too much students will --too many,students可数
apply后面应该加for
must up---must be up,be up to取决于
a examination--an examination
youself--yourself or yourselves
would--will
大致看了下,基本上都是很微小的错误,写好了自己仔细检查下~

profession也行，不过最好改为major，更专业。第二行，As you know that …这句把that去掉，第三行My major is a…这句把a去掉。第四行May be改为Maybe。另外，the undergraduate are more easy to find a job句型换为it's…for…to…的句型会更好，have better 改为had better，固定...

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profession也行，不过最好改为major，更专业。第二行，As you know that …这句把that去掉，第三行My major is a…这句把a去掉。第四行May be改为Maybe。另外，the undergraduate are more easy to find a job句型换为it's…for…to…的句型会更好，have better 改为had better，固定搭配。must up to 改为must be up to，还有I hope you can relax youself and don’t let you under great strain 最后一个you改为yourself。
好了，这是几处明显的错误，给你指出来了，还有好几处有单词拼写错误，你自己好好核对下，改正下。
另外，我的建议，文章分段不好，而且你的作文没结尾。要想写出一篇好的英文作为，结尾也很重要。你应该再起一段写一个结尾，两三句话就行了，对文章总结下，最好再用个好的句式或精彩的单词放到句尾，文章才会出彩的。
呵呵，加油哈~

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wanted——want; professions——majors;
As you know that my college is a medical college.My major is a medical information .We know that clinical medicine was hot last year.May be you also want to choo...

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wanted——want; professions——majors;
As you know that my college is a medical college.My major is a medical information .We know that clinical medicine was hot last year.May be you also want to choose it.改成以下句子会好点吧：As you know my major is medical information which was hot last year, and you can consider it.
choise(应为choice,名词)——choose(此处应用动词); more easy ——easier,easy不是多音节，比较级不用more; have better ——had better(固定搭配，不跟时态变动); too much 改成so many，much修饰不可数名词的，用too…to在此不适合；Of caurse ——Of course; a examination——an; let you ——youself

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