请雅思高手还有老师帮我评判一下我的大作文并给出一点意见.\(≧▽≦)/~Nowadays,children play less with others and this has an impact on their development.What are the reasons for this?Does it have a good or a bad effect on c

来源：学生作业帮助网 编辑：作业帮 时间：2024/11/28 03:15:54
请雅思高手还有老师帮我评判一下我的大作文并给出一点意见.\(≧▽≦)/~Nowadays,children play less with others and this has an impact on their development.What are the reasons for this?Does it have a good or a bad effect on c
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请雅思高手还有老师帮我评判一下我的大作文并给出一点意见.\(≧▽≦)/~Nowadays,children play less with others and this has an impact on their development.What are the reasons for this?Does it have a good or a bad effect on c
请雅思高手还有老师帮我评判一下我的大作文并给出一点意见.\(≧▽≦)/~
Nowadays,children play less with others and this has an impact on their development.What are the reasons for this?Does it have a good or a bad effect on children?



请雅思高手还有老师帮我评判一下我的大作文并给出一点意见.\(≧▽≦)/~Nowadays,children play less with others and this has an impact on their development.What are the reasons for this?Does it have a good or a bad effect on c
最多6分
我觉得这篇文章逻辑不是太清晰,体现出逻辑结构的连词太少了,also , on the other hand这些连词又不够高级
还有就是表达了你的观点后,"we"这种第一人称最好不要再用,多用第三人称的it代替,显得更客观