谁帮我看一下我的托福作文~1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reason

谁帮我看一下我的托福作文~1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reason
谁帮我看一下我的托福作文~
1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
As the society is developing quickly nowadays, many people are going to universities and colleges. They also have different reasons of going there as well. However, from my point of view, I believe that most people go to university and college to have some new and different experiences because they can really help students a lot.
First, living in the schools will train students to be independent. When students have to deal with all the things that happened around them, they will have a great training of independence. This experience will be unforgettable and also a great memory for students which will also bring benefits to them in the future. If I am a university or college student, I will definenitely take the chance to build my practical skills.
Second, students will also be able to learn communicative skills. When students chat or talk with their friends, they will learn how to communicate with others. Also, when students need to solve problems on campus, they also have to explain the situations to the people that can give a help. For example, if a student needs to change to another dorm, he will explain why he wants to move to another dorm. And not only to explain a simple reason, he also needs to make the reason more persuasive and let others to believe him and think his reason is reasonable. This experience will also be great for the future of students and I think it is quite desirable for most university and college student.
Finally, students are able to build their skills of self-control as well. As a university or college students, this is the best way to help them to get over this problem so I think they will be willing to study in universities and colleges for this reason because self-control is really critical in our life. If we cannot control ourselves, we will not only cause a bad impression in front of others, but also make us forget that what is essential and what is not.

谁帮我看一下我的托福作文~1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reason
结构是标准式的总分三个point没什么问题,有时间的话可以加个第五段conclusion.然后语法错误比较多,比如说第一段,from my point of view后面再加i believe就重复了；同样的,第二句话,句中有also句尾有as well也是重复了.最后,开头用first second final 很单调,想想下中文翻译出来的感觉也能体会到了.