大家看看我这偏雅思大作文可以拿几分?要按雅思的评分标准来的啊 要求是：The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems.What are these problems?In order to reduce the problems,should we discourage people from using cars

大家看看我这偏雅思大作文可以拿几分?要按雅思的评分标准来的啊 要求是：The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems.What are these problems?In order to reduce the problems,should we discourage people from using cars
大家看看我这偏雅思大作文可以拿几分?
要按雅思的评分标准来的啊
要求是：The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems.What are these problems?In order to reduce the problems,should we discourage people from using cars?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
我的文章如下：Using cars is inevitable in our lives.It is convenient to take you to everywhere,not to mention,using it go to work.However,we must deal with some serious problems with the development of using cars.The air pollution is serious in some international cities,such as Tokyo,New York and Shanghai.The exhuast gas from cars make the air worse and worse.In my opinion,the government should restrict using cars and invocate to go to work by bus or tube.It is a good way to protect the environment.Gulangyu,a small island in Xiamen,I went to there last summer.The government do well in the environment.You can't see any cars or buses in this samll island.The government lessen the degree of the air pollution.To my mind,we must learn it to imporve.Beyond that,using cars can cause the traffic jams.Example is in the period of commuting,we can see it is crowding in some cross-road.In this case,from my point of view,we can go to work by bike instead of cars.It can keep us fit well and it can save time.What's more,it save the resources and protect the environment.
Speaking of this,maybe someone say we should give up using cars.Furthermore,I don't agree with this arguement.Sometimes,using cars can give us many convenience.For instance,if someone have something ergent to do,he should own a private car.It can help him to everywhere.Apart from that,nowadays many people work at making cars,dirving cars or filling up gas.Especially in USA,one out of six people work about cars.
In conclusion,using cars have both advantages and disadvantages.Furthermore,we can't discourage it.Anyway,there are much problems.We should do our best to change it.
大家给我评个分,顺便点评一下好了

大家看看我这偏雅思大作文可以拿几分?要按雅思的评分标准来的啊 要求是：The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems.What are these problems?In order to reduce the problems,should we discourage people from using cars
5.5比较保险,有语法错,

5.5

5.5