David,an oilman while running his family business.这句话有grammar mistake吗?

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David,an oilman while running his family business.这句话有grammar mistake吗?
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David,an oilman while running his family business.这句话有grammar mistake吗?
David,an oilman while running his family business.
这句话有grammar mistake吗?

David,an oilman while running his family business.这句话有grammar mistake吗?
有吧,感觉改成David, an oilman who runs his family business. 会更好些~

while 可以形容人??