托福作文批改Learning by oneself or with a teacher?It goes with the saying that everyone is a piece of blank paper when born.We can not ignore the fact that we need teacher during our lifetime.For instance,as a infant,parents are our guide.Howev

托福作文批改Learning by oneself or with a teacher?It goes with the saying that everyone is a piece of blank paper when born.We can not ignore the fact that we need teacher during our lifetime.For instance,as a infant,parents are our guide.Howev
托福作文批改
Learning by oneself or with a teacher?
It goes with the saying that everyone is a piece of blank paper when born.We can not ignore the fact that we need teacher during our lifetime.For instance,as a infant,parents are our guide.However,when grown up,we began to learn by ourselves.The question is which one is proper?
Learning with a mentor,for the most part,is considered to be a universal way.One the one hand,we need a guide to help us approach something new.Following the teacher,we can take the first step easily.A teacher who has a multitude of experiences and patience,can lead us to the cover the introduction.Leaning by ourselves,we can not manage it easily.When we faced with barriers at the very beginning,we may hesitate,or even move back.On the other hand,a teacher can be a good company,providing more ideas and thoughts.We have no reason to abjure this.
Moreover,self-study brings the drawbacks,such as wasting of time and absent minded.Take my mates for example; accompanied with an iPod,seldom do they concentrate on the assignments.Further more,not only do some tough problems puzzle us,but also many interruptions made self-study not so effective.Meanwhile,we have thought limited in our study.
Obviously,we can draw the conclusion that,studying with a teacher has much more benefits than self-study.With more resources and information available,a good mentor is necessary while we learning.
这是我ibt的第一篇作文 .

托福作文批改Learning by oneself or with a teacher?It goes with the saying that everyone is a piece of blank paper when born.We can not ignore the fact that we need teacher during our lifetime.For instance,as a infant,parents are our guide.Howev
1.第二句teacher要加s
2.parents are our guides
3.proper前加more,这里是两者的比较
4.began改为begin,因为这里说的只是一般情况
5.第二段第二句笔误吧,是on the one hand
6.experiences应去掉s,这里意为经验,不可数
7.When we faced ,faced前加are
8.第三段最后第二句made 改为make
9.第三段最后一句不需要用完成时吧,这里只是一般情况,可改为we have limited thoughts in our study.
10.With more resources and information available,a good mentor is necessary while we learning.后面应该是we are learning
至于评分我不敢乱评,但我感觉这篇文章写得不错,思路清晰,论证清楚,应该算是佳作吧
楼上的,你是中国人吗?哪有中国人写文章还要用外国思维的?

It goes with the saying that everyone is born to be a piece of blank paper.We can not ignore the fact that we need teachers during our lifetime. For instance, when we are in the tender age, parents ar...

全部展开

It goes with the saying that everyone is born to be a piece of blank paper.We can not ignore the fact that we need teachers during our lifetime. For instance, when we are in the tender age, parents are our guides. However, when grown up, we begin to learn by ourselves. The question is which one is more proper?
Learning with a mentor, in the great majority of case, is considered to be a universal way. On the one hand, we need a guide to lead us to something new. Following the teacher, we can take the first step easily. A teacher who has a multitude of experiences and patience, can introduce us to a whole new world. On the other hand ,teaching ourselves can be pretty tough. When we are faced with difficulties at the very beginning, we may hesitate, or even move back. At this moment, a teacher can be a good inspirer, providing us with ideas or thoughts which we never thought of. There is no reason to abandon this.
Moreover, self-study would bring us some problems, such as wasting of time and distraction. Take one of my mates for example; who,alway carrying an iPod, hardly concentrates on the assignments. Further more, not only do some tough problems puzzle us, but also many interruptions make self-teaching not so effective. Meanwhile, our thoughts are limited in our study.
Obviously, we can draw the conclusion that, studying with a teacher has much more benefits than self-study. With more resources and information available, a good mentor is necessary while we learning.
稍微改了改语法之类的错误,思维太中国化了,如果外国人看改卷估计很难认同吧

收起

1.字少了，绝对少了，下次至少300+
2.开头最好说明自己的观点，觉得哪个更好
3.如果用对照式的话中间两段的观点论证相对有点薄弱，真的
4.多用点修辞（就当是凑字数= =）
5.句式再多变点（凑字）
6.论证再好一点（凑字）
7.条理再流畅一点
其他语法什么的我都没改了，毕竟可以自己纠正
我原来的第一篇文章也差不多是这个样子的

全部展开

1.字少了，绝对少了，下次至少300+
2.开头最好说明自己的观点，觉得哪个更好
3.如果用对照式的话中间两段的观点论证相对有点薄弱，真的
4.多用点修辞（就当是凑字数= =）
5.句式再多变点（凑字）
6.论证再好一点（凑字）
7.条理再流畅一点
其他语法什么的我都没改了，毕竟可以自己纠正
我原来的第一篇文章也差不多是这个样子的
后来写得多了就熟悉了，建议你横写，很有用的
分不敢乱评，这个太不好定了= =
你对照一下评分原则看看，大致打一个分好了

收起

烂得可以