帮忙检查一下我翻译的英语非常高兴听到您担任我们部门经理的消息.也十分谢谢你的关心,我将会在以后按时提交我的报告.谢谢!I am so glad to hear the news that you will act as our manager. Also grateful for

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帮忙检查一下我翻译的英语非常高兴听到您担任我们部门经理的消息.也十分谢谢你的关心,我将会在以后按时提交我的报告.谢谢!I am so glad to hear the news that you will act as our manager. Also grateful for
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帮忙检查一下我翻译的英语非常高兴听到您担任我们部门经理的消息.也十分谢谢你的关心,我将会在以后按时提交我的报告.谢谢!I am so glad to hear the news that you will act as our manager. Also grateful for
帮忙检查一下我翻译的英语
非常高兴听到您担任我们部门经理的消息.
也十分谢谢你的关心,我将会在以后按时提交我的报告.
谢谢!
I am so glad to hear the news that you will act as our manager.
Also grateful for your concernes.
I will submit my report on time from now on.
给上司写的,怎样比较尊敬呀?

帮忙检查一下我翻译的英语非常高兴听到您担任我们部门经理的消息.也十分谢谢你的关心,我将会在以后按时提交我的报告.谢谢!I am so glad to hear the news that you will act as our manager. Also grateful for
I am so glad to hear that you will act as the manager of our department.
Also appreciate for your concern.
I will submit my reports on time from now on.

少了一个谢谢。
如果给上司,最好把 I am so glad to hear the news that you will act as our manager.改为Very glad to hear you as our department manager's news 好一些

I am so pleased to hear that you will hold the position of manager of our department.
I am also grateful to you for your help/support/advice.... In the future I will submit my reports on time.

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I am so pleased to hear that you will hold the position of manager of our department.
I am also grateful to you for your help/support/advice.... In the future I will submit my reports on time.
担任用'hold a position‘更地道;职位前不用定冠词,所以是the position of manager of our department.
第二句如果你表达的意思是’谢谢你对我没能及时提交报告所表达的关心/忧虑‘,就用’Thank you for your concern‘;如果仅仅是表示普通的关心,你可以用我写的这一句,另:英语无主句很少见,也不正式,为表达正式与尊敬,用上主语较好;
提交是一个即时的动作;from now on表示了时间上的延续性,感觉上不太对。如果你要表达一个适用于整个以后promise,用我给的那句;如果只是表达下一次的promise,用Next time I will submit my report on time.

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concerns 拼写不对,谢谢 漏译了。
这样说简洁和地道点:
I'm very glad to hear that you will be our department manger. Thank you so much for your concerns to me. I will sumbit my report from now on. Thank you!