帮忙批改雅思小作文并评分!是个流程图 剑6 Text 3 流程图小作文：The process diagram illustrates in four stages about the life cycle of the silkworm and five states about how silk clothes are produced.According to the first diagr

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帮忙批改雅思小作文并评分!是个流程图 剑6 Text 3 流程图小作文：The process diagram illustrates in four stages about the life cycle of the silkworm and five states about how silk clothes are produced.According to the first diagr
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帮忙批改雅思小作文并评分!是个流程图 剑6 Text 3 流程图小作文：The process diagram illustrates in four stages about the life cycle of the silkworm and five states about how silk clothes are produced.According to the first diagr
帮忙批改雅思小作文并评分!是个流程图
剑6 Text 3 流程图小作文：
The process diagram illustrates in four stages about the life cycle of the silkworm and five states about how silk clothes are produced.
According to the first diagram,eggs became to silkworm larva need 10 days.At this stage,larva are fed with mulberry leaf than spend 4-6weeks to transform to silk thread.At the third stage,larva need 3-8 days to become to a cocoon which can be produced into silk cloth while after 16 days new moth born which can lay eggs again.
The cocoons are selected to the next stage to boil in water.Every thread may have 300-900m long.At next stage,threads are twisted and then dyed.Next,the last diagram is called weave Cocoon at last be made into silk cloth.
Thus,four process diagram clearly shows the silkworm’s life cycle and five process diagram shows how silk cloth finally be made.

帮忙批改雅思小作文并评分!是个流程图 剑6 Text 3 流程图小作文：The process diagram illustrates in four stages about the life cycle of the silkworm and five states about how silk clothes are produced.According to the first diagr
因为我没有雅思6的原因 只能看语法那些了 哈哈
首段我觉得没什么问题!
但是第二段的时态有问题 那些过程不是过去的 是事实对吧 所以应该是一般现在时啊 还有我觉得那个diagram 用的时候有点表述不清啊 你第一段不是说只有一个diagram的吗 为什么第二段又说first diagram呢?应该换换
第二句的单复数用错了 larva是单数 应该是 is吧 最好换成 larvas are fed with leaves of mulberry.然后呢 你的than 应该拼错了吧 是then吧 用and then 比较好
再下一句 while 之前应该加个句号 把while换成aferwards
这就是我对前两段的意见 如果你觉得好的话 就给我分吧 我就帮你看看剩下的
哈哈

图呢？

The process diagrams illustrate两个图，可能是你马虎了。 第二句感觉不好，一般说话费多少时间都是用take，spend等固定词。还有你的时态，要前后保持一致，最后都用过去时态。larva were fed with mulberry leaf ，then they spent 4-6weeks on transforming into silk thread。这句短语...

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The process diagrams illustrate两个图，可能是你马虎了。 第二句感觉不好，一般说话费多少时间都是用take，spend等固定词。还有你的时态，要前后保持一致，最后都用过去时态。larva were fed with mulberry leaf ，then they spent 4-6weeks on transforming into silk thread。这句短语搭配错了一些。后面的我没图，不知道情况~~~但是感觉every最好改为each

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