帮我批改SAT作文.Do we need others to know ourselves?We indeed need others to know ourselves.People around us play an important role on our self-cognition.They take on two different sources of information for us to have deeper insights into ours

帮我批改SAT作文.Do we need others to know ourselves?We indeed need others to know ourselves.People around us play an important role on our self-cognition.They take on two different sources of information for us to have deeper insights into ours
帮我批改SAT作文.
Do we need others to know ourselves?
We indeed need others to know ourselves.People around us play an important role on our self-cognition.They take on two different sources of information for us to have deeper insights into ourselves.
    Others can be sources of suggestions.Their attitudes and responds toward us reflect how they think about and feel about us .Hence,we are cognizant of what behavior of ours are socially acceptable and what may be regarded as a gaffe.Such being the case,we shall master the art of etiquette and decency and then build up congenial relationships with others and enjoy a pleasant social life.
    Others can be sources of comparisons as well.Comparisons get us better aware of our own aptitude and ,by courtesy of that,we shall appreciate what we are blessed with and always have faith in ourselves no matter what comes in the way .On another note ,others must have something superior to us.Such realization enlightens us the fact that no one is perfect.Conscious of the imperfection,people should always harbor respect toward others,knowing that every single person exists for reasons and values.
    The above-mentioned are generalized from my observation of people around me,and the most impressive one I observed is one of my classmates in the ninth grade.She was a transfer student from China ,and she expectably faced sort of culture shock .She was already very introverted when she got here and then with the difficulties of adjustment,she seemed to become more and more taciturn (nearly silent).She seemed to put on an invincible armor that could not be penetrated at all.Other classmates no less than I didn't even know what to say to her,let alone get along with her and such awkwardness lasted for about a month.One day,another Chinese student in my class took the initiative in talking to her.She still remained pretty shy in the first place,but as more classmates joined the conversation,the atmosphere acquired much more amicability and she could feel free to express herself.I think that our energy and friendliness must have influenced her and encouraged her.From the way we interacted with other classmates,she may have sensed that being extroverted would be more welcomed and after she adopted the idea,she did make it getting along with others.Had it not been for us,she could still be that reticent girl who was afraid of contacting people and showing herself and that would be such a shame because she is really a talented girl that master in many things .She just had to let it shown to others.
可以帮我批改及评分吗?

帮我批改SAT作文.Do we need others to know ourselves?We indeed need others to know ourselves.People around us play an important role on our self-cognition.They take on two different sources of information for us to have deeper insights into ours
essay score 6
Argument:You need to provide more specific details of your examples.
Elaborate on your example but not merely mention it.
Structure:You may revise your structure to provide a more clear essay.you express your ideas well,but you need examples to support them specifically in the first two paragraph.
Provide a potent ending for your essay
Gramma:you need to work a bit harder,one or two is okeay,but too many of them will give the examinor a bad impression.
同志,我实在不想打击你,但是我给你看一篇我写过的作文,是普林斯通改的,因为details 不够,被打了6分.
说实在6分都很悬,因为你注意下你的例子,是不是有点牵强,我这篇只是没把例子点明,就被判例子不合适,改卷子的时候（包括真正sat考试改卷）都只有1分钟左右,他扫读文章,有个影响就打分了.语法错的多了肯定难受.就像我们看语法部分那篇短文改错一样,有时候很难看懂.
有个错误概念就是多写简单句.其实英文的本质就是句子信息量大,而且要协调.句子多了,考官反而不好看,因为他们是native啊
抓句子结构是天生的,我们写的再多从句,他们随便怎么都看得懂
这是我惨败的6分作文.说实在,我一年前考雅思都比这高1分.
It is true that advancement of technology has made what impossible in the past become humdrum nowadays.With the development,we achieve a kind of feat that human hasn’t reached for thousands of years.We enjoy more convenience and comfort of life these days.Nevertheless there is a dilemma:when we benefit more from technology,we have been circumscribed more by its outcomes.The advantages do not always outstrip its costs.
First of all,people are facing a prolonged “working hours”,which is the product of advancement of communication.“My boss can always telephone me after my working hours.I can’t refuse to attend phone conference during my holidays.”said one of thr employees of a Hong Kong company.It is generally acknowleged that the mobile phones ,Internet and those instant communications have brought great advantages to people’s life,but its shortcomings are also obvious:people virtuelly work all the time if employers can contact with them.My father always take a laptop with him on vacations so that he can read the files in the first time.So it is clear that people have been deprived of free time when technology is changing our lives.
Another great disadvantage is that it produced a wealth of pullutions and contributes to some disasters that greatly jeopardize our lives.The leak of the former USSR neclear powerplant caused thousand of death in the last century and we now face a big predicament of climate change,which is directly resulted from the industry revolution.Virtuelly a multitude of nations will be inundated in the near future and Africa and other tropical regions will face great droughts soon.We enjoy the great comfort of our technology innovations while will suffer from their outcomes.
So it is perfectly clear that the benefit of technology advancement is not always outweighted its cost.We ,in reality,dance on a ground full of eggs.Carelessly we will raze our lives just like eggs.So only if we know about the shortcomings of technology,can we consciously deal with it and our lives.
你对比一下吧,我这篇augument 太强势,也大不了高分

这篇文章如果只有6分得话， 你读了美国大学的本科得话 还需要上basic writing