英语笑话带翻译

英语笑话带翻译
英语笑话带翻译

英语笑话带翻译

1、周而复始

  老王在树下休息,老李走过来对他说：“嗨,为什么不去上山砍柴?” 老王说：“砍柴干什么?” 老李说：“好卖钱啊.卖到钱就可以买驴,再沿家挨户卖柴.挣了钱就再 买卡车,然后买木厂卖木   器,再买更多的卡车,那样就可以发大财了.” 老王问：“发了财干什么?” 老李答：“发了财就可   以逍遥自在地享清福嘛.” 老王说：“那你以为我现在在干什么?”

1, round and round

Lao wang rested under the tree, Lao li came up and said, "hey, why not go up the hill cutting wood?" Pharaoh said: "cut wood stem what?" Lao li said: "good money! Sold into money can buy a donkey, then along home door-to-door selling wood. Zheng money will buy trucks, and then buy wood factory sells wooden ware, buy more trucks, so that you can be really rich." The old king: "fortune"? Lao li answer: "fortune can be to free and unfettered freely do well." Pharaoh said, "that you think I doing now?"

2、甲鱼风波

  甲鱼又叫团鱼或鳖,俗称王八.味鲜美,价昂贵.“吃的不买,买的不吃”, 实乃高级礼品,公关丑   星. 某乡派数人携众鳖入城进贡.因其重量不同,又须按“职”分配,为免差错计,故将官 号写于纸上,贴于鳖背. ……至机关干部住宅楼前,天已晚.不料竹篓倾覆,众甲鱼乘暮色争相逃命,乡人一片 惊呼：“赵局长”跑啦!——那个块头最大的. 快抓住“钱处长”——小心它咬手. 那墙角里黑乎乎的,莫非是“孙科长”?“李秘书”个头小,爬得快,怕是找不到了.

2, turtle storm

Turtle and call TuanYu or turtle, commonly known as the tortoise. Taste delicious, the price is expensive. "Eat not to buy, buy the do not eat", solid senior gifts, pr ugly stars. MouXiang sent several people join the turtle into town tribute. Because of its different weights, and must according to "responsibility" distribution, in order to avoid mistakes plan, therefore, JiangGuan written in paper, stick at turtle's back. ... To government cadres residential against the building, it is late. Behold, all the turtle piggy overthrown by the dusk scramble to flee for life, XiangRen a exclaimed, "zhao chief" run! The bigger the biggest. - Catch "money director" - be careful it bites the hand. The corner of the mariposa rushed, murphy is "Samson section chief"? "Secretary li"'s smaller, climb quickly, afraid that I can't find it.

3、迟了

  在地铁里,一位男子发现扒手正在掏他的钱包,便幽默地说： “老兄,你来晚了!我今天虽然领   了薪水,但我太太下手比你快 多了!”

3, late

In the subway, a man found pickpocket is cutting his wallet, and humorously said: "man, you came to night! I today although took salary, but my wife lay more quickly than you!"

4、情书

  小伙子在给女朋友的信中写到：“爱你爱得如此之深, 以至愿为你赴汤蹈火.星期六如不下雨,我一定来.

4, love letter

Guy in the letters to his girlfriend wrote: "love your love so much, that would like to give you go through hell. On Saturday as it does not rain, I'll come.

5、无理抱怨

  两个人一起吃饭,只有两条鱼,一大一小.一位先把大 的吃了,另一位勃然大怒.”多不合适!”他抱怨说.”怎 么了?”另一位问.”你吃掉了那条大的,如果我是你就不 会这样做.””你会怎   样呢?””我当然是先吃小的.”” 那好哇,你抱怨什么,那条小鱼不是还在那里吗!”

5 and irrational complain

Two people eat together, only two fish, a great and a small. A first big eat, another flew into a rage. "Not more suitable!" He complains. "How yao?" Another asked. "You ate that big, if I were you, I would not do so." "How would you like?" "Of course I is first eat small." "That good, you complained, the fish is still there!"

6、为您保密

  甲：”这件事我只告诉你一人,请你千万为我保密."   乙：”放心,不但我要为你保密,我还要告诉大家都来为你保密.”

6, for your confidential

A: "this matter I just tell you one person, you must the secret for me." B: "trust, not only I want secret for you, I will tell everybody to be secret for you."

7、擦玻璃

  父亲走进儿子的房间,夸奖道：干得好,儿子!窗户又干净又明亮,你是用肥皂水擦的吗?   儿子：没有,爸爸,我用的是锤子.

7, wipe glass

Father entered the son's room, praise, way: well done, son! The window and clean and bright, you are using soap water wipe? Son: no, dad, I am using a sledgehammer.

8、开学

  小学开学了,刚满6岁的冬冬不肯到学校上学.妈妈向冬冬解释,小朋友满6岁就要去上学,一直到15岁.最后冬冬终于在书桌前坐下来,满含热泪地问：等我15岁的时候,您会记得来接我吗?

8, opening

Elementary school begins, just over 6 years old of winter winter will not come to school. Mother to dongdong explanation, children with 6 years old shall go to school, until 15 years old. Last winter winter finally before desk sat down and full of tears to ask: when I was 15, you will remember pick me up?

仅供参考!

4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹：我赢...

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4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！

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Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the...

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Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
A little boy bustled into a grocery one day with a memorandum in his hand.
〃Hello,Mr. Smith,〃He said,〃I want thirteen pounds of coffee at 33 cents.〃
〃Very good,〃said the grocer, and he noted down the sale.
〃Anything else, Charlie？〃
〃Yes. Twenty－seven pounds of sugar at 9 cents.〃
〃The loaf？And whatelse？〃
〃Seven and a half pounds of bacon at 30 cents.〃
〃That will be a good brand. Goon.〃
〃Five pounds of tea at 90 cents；eleven and a half quarts of molasses at8cents a pint；two eight－pound hams at 31 cents, and five dozen jars of pickled walnuts at34cents ajar.〃
The grocer made out the bill.
〃It’s a big order,〃he said.〃Did your mother tell you to pay forit？〃
〃My mother,〃said the boy, as he pocketed the neat and accurate bill,〃has nothing to do with this business. It is my arithmetic lesson and I had to get it done somehow.〃
一天,一个小男孩匆匆忙忙地走进了一家杂货店,手里拿着一张清单。
“史密斯先生,你好,”他说道：“3毛3分钱一磅的咖啡,请给我13磅。”
“好的,”杂货店老板马上把这笔生意记了下来。
“还要别的什么,查理？”
“要的。再要27磅糖,9分钱一磅的。”
“面包要不要？还要什么？”“7磅半咸肉,3毛钱一磅的。”
“这肉是名牌的呢。还有呢？”
“9毛钱一磅的茶叶,给我5磅；8分钱一品脱的糖浆要11夸脱半；3毛1分钱一磅的8磅的大火腿要两只,3毛4分钱一罐的腌核桃要5打。”
杂货店老板把账单算了出来。“你买了很多东西,”他说：“你妈妈叫你现在把钱付清吗？”
小男孩一面把那清楚准确的账单放进口袋,一面说：“这和我妈没关系,这是我自己的算术作业,我总得想办法把它做出来！”
够了吗，我不容易了啊，最佳答案给我吧

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A woman was singing. One of the guest criticized the singer to
the man beside him.
"What a terrible voice." He said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes." the man beside him answered. ...

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A woman was singing. One of the guest criticized the singer to
the man beside him.
"What a terrible voice." He said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes." the man beside him answered. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I'm sorry." he said. "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is too bad.
I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." said the man.
巧合
台上一个女士正在放声高歌，台下的一个听众跟他旁边的一个男人抱怨说，
“这是什么嗓子啊？你知道她是谁吗？”
那个男人回答，“她是我老婆。”
“哦，抱歉，抱歉，我的意思是说她嗓子不差，就是曲子太难听了。
我真是想不到谁会写出这么难听的曲子呢？”
那个男人回答，“是我写的！”

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