港大个人简介请大家提提意见Personal Statement Dear teachers,I’m a student who graduated from the No.1 High School Affiliated to CCNU.It will be a great honor for me if I can get access to the world-famous university--HKU. There ar

港大个人简介请大家提提意见Personal Statement Dear teachers,I’m a student who graduated from the No.1 High School Affiliated to CCNU.It will be a great honor for me if I can get access to the world-famous university--HKU. There ar
港大个人简介
请大家提提意见
Personal Statement
Dear teachers,I’m a student who graduated from the No.1 High School Affiliated to CCNU.It will be a great honor for me if I can get access to the world-famous university--HKU.
There are lots of advantages in your university,but what attract me most is the international ways of teaching and cultural platform to the outer world.Honestly speaking, I’m fairly familiar with such kind of methods as my senior high school English teacher Mr Jiang focus on not only our commend of knowledge on the books,but also stress great importance on the comprehensive abilities of students.And I have benefited a lot from this academic and practical teaching methods.
When it comes to curriculum,I want to choose BECON/BECON&FIN as my major.Now the world is developing in an incredible speed,and economy is the fundamental factor in contribution to a country’s development.What’s more,I do really enjoy the time when I overcome one and another math problem.So with my interest and passion I long for the chance to study in HKU to make a difference in economy in my country.
I definitely know it will not be a easy task to major in BECON/BECON&FIN,so as it is in latter job and life,but I’m just such a person who is hard to be beaten down and can adapt to the environment quickly.So I believe I can do it..
I will sincerely appreciate it if you can give me the chance.
Thank you!

港大个人简介请大家提提意见Personal Statement Dear teachers,I’m a student who graduated from the No.1 High School Affiliated to CCNU.It will be a great honor for me if I can get access to the world-famous university--HKU. There ar
1.Dear teachers 改为 The Admission Committee 或者去掉
2.It will be a great honor for me if I can get access to the world-famous university--HKU.
太没有自信
3.What attract me 改成What attracts me
4.International ways of teaching 改为World-class education
5.Culture Platform to the outer world ---> diversed culture cocktail
6.I’m fairly familiar with...太口语化
7.in an incredible speed ---> incredibly rapidly
8.a easy task --> an easy task
全文不够自信 重点需要再突出 说服力尚可

哇，太...................