请问我的雅思作文这篇可以评几分?Some children in rural places cannot have good schools and medical facilities.To improve this situation,some people suggest that new teachers and doctors should be sent to rural places for several years.O

请问我的雅思作文这篇可以评几分?Some children in rural places cannot have good schools and medical facilities.To improve this situation,some people suggest that new teachers and doctors should be sent to rural places for several years.O
请问我的雅思作文这篇可以评几分?
Some children in rural places cannot have good schools and medical facilities.To improve this situation,some people suggest that new teachers and doctors should be sent to rural places for several years.Others,however,believe every one has the free right to choose where to work.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Recently,how to improve the public health care and education of children who live in suburb areas has become a heated issue.Some people insist that new teachers and doctors should be taken into these areas where chindren require,while others hold an opposite perception,firmly believing that one have the right to select an appropriate place which he likes.Generally,I tend to believe that the authority should encourge mass volunteers who would like devote their lives to children.
It is evident the good health and qulity education are foundamental and essential for children.With the new teachers and doctors' coming,there probably emerges a degree of improvment in rural areas.The increasing number of children who get good education witnessed this phenomenal change.Furthermore,these children could gain oppprtunities to cope with the issues in the society with high-developed tecnology,possessing sufficient edcucation and training.It seems that we have solved this thorn which we have been facing.
However,some opponents perhaps point to the fact that even a teacher and doctor has his right to choose where they except to work freely.Assuming that one is sent to this suburb area which he does not like,he would be lack of sense of responsibility and sense of belonging.Moreover,the obligation--providing perfect health and qulity education--would be suppressed by this.In addition,insufficient experience will lead unwanted consequences.For instance,new teachers will misguide the students when talking about the future occupation.So the point I would like to make is that experienced teachers and doctors who would like to work in the suburb areas should be encouraged,at the same time,some sorts of education and medical facilities also should be supplied by the authority.
In a nutshell,I also claim that teachers and doctors have an indispensible role to play in improve the surroundings of rural areas.Paying heed to the issue and arising the mass media's attention is a effective and efficient approch to solve this situation,also,other available facilities should not be neglected.Only in this way could children lead a gorgeous life.Our society subsequently will make greater strides in future.

请问我的雅思作文这篇可以评几分?Some children in rural places cannot have good schools and medical facilities.To improve this situation,some people suggest that new teachers and doctors should be sent to rural places for several years.O
不错的文章,应该可以得很高分,不过注意用词,像"in a nutshell",非常口语的说法,建议在这种文章上不要用(而且你后面跟的那句也不是总结,而是发表了新的看法）,可改用”As shown from the compelling evidences from above..."

世纪雅思的主讲老师每月都会参加一次雅思考试，平均分数都过8分，他们了解最新雅思动态，你可以请他们帮你评一下，因为他们了解考官的评分思维跟标准！